Christmas Recipes

Paris; 13 December 2008

The Christmas holidays are long since over and we just wrapped up Easter (both Greek and regular), but since I organized all of Pegs' recipes into an album a while back I thought I should share these with you to help keep up the holiday spirit. I can only remember one time when she made the sugar cookie recipe (see picture at right), for a pre-Christmas party in 2008. Derek and Ariel were living in Paris at the time, and we invited them and our friends Brooke and Dave (and of course, their son Felix) to come over and drink mulled wine, eat sugar cookies and make paper snowflakes. If memory serves, Pegs was dissatisfied with how the cookies turned out (even though they were absolutely delicious), and everyone enjoyed the mulled wine immensely.

Paris; 13 December 2008

Paris; 13 December 2008

Paris; 13 December 2008

Click the link below to check out the recipes for Pegs' sugar cookies and mulled wine.

Christmas Memories

Croix; April 26, 2008

Posted (belatedly) on behalf of Ingrid (Malfait) Guilbaud: 

I remember very well when both Pegs and I announced to the family that we were pregnant. It was at Patricia's place, where we met for one of our traditional family lunches. After a while Lee told me: congratulations for your pregnancy, we are so happy we decided to do the same! 

Although the due dates were quite different (early Nov and early Dec), Sofia decided to come to life a bit earlier than expected, and only 5 days after Louise. 

It was such a wonderful perspective to have these two cousins so close in age. Pegs and I were looking forward to see them playing together (we still have to fulfill this wish, Lee!). Thanks to our regular meetings in Lille, we were able to see them growing and changing, comparing the sizes (that was quite easy) and exchanging tricks on best ways to make them sleep full nights. As you see in the picture at right, only our beloved Bon Papa was kind (and open minded!) enough to let us change baby diapers on his own bed! 

Pegs was always adorable with Louise, playing with her, offering us to take care of her while we were eating at the restaurant at Bon Papa's place. 

If you ask Antoine about what Pegs makes him think about, quickly the word food will come in the conversation. One day we were invited in at the very last minute (about a few hours before) with some friends of ours at Lee and Pegs' and she cooked a wonderful roasted chicken. It would have taken me one week to think about it, get the ingredients and several hours to prepare it! 

I also remember that for one of the Christmases we spent in Bondues, she prepared food gifts for each of us that she made herself and presented in very nice packages. I thought it was such a nice idea to put part of yourself in Christmas gifts....as we are celebrating Christmas today, I will have a special thought about this moment in Pegs' memory. 

Click on the link below to see pictures of Pegs and Ingrid pregnant together and videos of Pegs playing with Louise and Sofia. 

Rice Pudding Recipe

Yia-Yia made rice pudding for dessert tonight, which of course made me think about the time that Pegs inadvertently made the world's best rice pudding. You see, Pegs and I were both big fans of Indian food; one of our favorite places in New York was a nearby Indian restaurant where the take-out portions were about twice the size as the eat-in portions (read: quality leftovers) and the daal was some of the best I've ever had. Needless to say, however, finding quality Indian food in Paris was a bit of a challenge. Efficient as always, Pegs decided that if we couldn't find good Indian food nearby, she would just make it herself. She bought a series of Indian cookbooks and, like a bloodhound hot on the trail of an escaped convict, sniffed out the various areas of Paris where she could purchase ingredients for her various creations.  One morning before I left for work, she told me that she was going to make some kheer (Indian rice pudding) for dessert. I came home that evening to discover a sweet aroma emanating from the kitchen and Pegs anxiously stirring an enormous pot on the kitchen stove.  When I told her that it smelled incredible, she worriedly told me that she was still making the kheer and that something had obviously gone wrong along the way. If you ever ate a meal that Pegs prepared, you'll know that this was nothing unusual; she was always forgetting a key step or ingredient, and yet it almost invariably turned out fine. I wasn't nervous until I took a look inside the pot, where I saw a simmering brown substance that smelled amazing but was decidedly unappealing visually.  If I remember correctly, she had substituted the incorrect amounts of milk and cream for the half-and-half that the recipe called for, so she had tried to correct her error by doubling the entire recipe, requiring the overly-large pot. The recipe said to allow the kheer to simmer for two hours to allow the excess liquid to boil off, but because there was so much of the stuff, Pegs had been simmering for four hours with very little progress. At some point, she had decided to turn up the heat to a full boil, which I suspect had caramelized the milk and resulted in the singular brownish-pink shade of the congealing matter in the pot. I assured Pegs that she shouldn't throw out the entire batch (another habit of hers), and that I would be happy to try her latest culinary endeavor once it had a chance to cool. Thankfully she listened to me, because what we eventually ate that night was decidedly one of the most decadently delicious desserts ever made. Words won't do it justice: it was thick, creamy, caramel-y and all-around yummy.  There was also at least three pounds of the stuff in the fridge, and it took an entire week for the two of us to polish it off, but oh, what a week. I'm fairly certain that I gained at least five pounds over the course of those seven days, but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't worth it. Pegs was never able to repeat her error in quite the same way, but maybe that's for the best; after all, some things are too good to ever duplicate. If you'd like to give it a try, though, click on the jump to access the original recipe. If it works out, be sure to give me a call.

I Remember When... We Went to Prague

Prague, August 14, 2006

From Damien Vanderpool:

I perused Pegs’ website while having a few minutes at work today, and I read your story about the chips.  I wanted to post on the site myself, but the firewalls here at work won’t let me, and I wanted to write this now while it’s still vivid in my mind.  The thought of paprika chips reminded me of our visit to the Czech Republic, and 3 things instantly came to my mind:

1. Every neighborhood in Prague had its own manhole cover, and they were all, oddly enough, quite beautiful.
2. The memory of all the statues along that bridge in Prague (a more observant/educated man would know the name of the bridge since it’s so famous, but alas I do not). [Ed. note: The bridge Damien is referring to above is the Charles Bridge, which is one of the most famous sites in the city, lined with 30 statues and offering a beautiful view of the Vltava River]
3. Pegs’ use of the word “guy” when referring to anyone (e.g.-“How’s it going, guy?”).

It is because of that trip (and Pegs’ humor/delivery) that I use that phrase on a regular basis to this day (and this vacation was about 5 or 6 years ago, wasn’t it?).  I think that was probably the first time I got to hang out with Pegs without the whole family there for more than a few minutes.  I had such a great time.  Thanks again for letting me be the 3rd wheel with you guys.

-Damien

p.s.-the memories are flooding in!  I also remember how the castles would have wallpaper that looked like stone, and we would remark on how cheesy it was and odd.

Click on the jump below to see some more pictures.

Ketchup Chips

I picked up a sandwich and a bag of chips in the cafeteria today, and as I was walking out I started talking to a colleague whose husband is Canadian. The conversation turned to the chips I had just purchased (Cool Ranch Doritos), and my colleague mentioned that her husband (who, keep in mind, is Canadian) likes really weird snacks from his childhood like ketchup flavored potato chips. This, of course, reminded me of Pegs, who on more than one occasion demonstrated her love of ketchup flavored chips by wolfing down an entire bag. Pegs wasn't big on processed food as a rule, but one of the things we liked to do when traveling to a foreign country was to visit a convenience store or grocery store and check out the chips section. It always amazed us to discover the flavors that appealed to the local palates, both by home-grown companies and multinationals like Frito Lay. Examples include the ever-popular roasted chicken and thyme flavored chips in France, paprika flavored chips in the Czech Republic and lime-soaked chips in Costa Rica.

Accident-Prone Pegs

Paris, November 8, 2008

Rachna's post below inspired me to ask all of you whether you have any good stories about Panagiota getting into accidents, hurting herself or generally being clumsy. Neither of us was particularly coordinated, and we frequently worried that Sofia would grow up with a double dose of awkward genes. [When Sofia knocked out her front tooth last year, I had to wonder whether it was an isolated incident or if it was finally time to get her fitted for a safety helmet.] I can think of a number of occasions in which Pegs was a bit of a klutz, but rather than share a particular story let me just say that she had a very love-hate relationship with our kitchen knives. It must be said that Pegs spent a lot of time in the kitchen and was often distracted by a clingy toddler, but I've never seen anyone with so many nicks, cuts and gouges on her fingers as Pegs. This was especially true whenever she or my father would sharpen our knives, after which I would invariably come home to find Pegs with at least one or two band-aids wrapped around a freshly opened wound. I can't say that Pegs put a lot of her sweat and tears in her meals, but I'm fairly certain that there was a little blood in there on more than one occasion.

Important Life Lessons from Pegs

One morning Pegs walks up to me in high school and here was the exchange:

Pegs: "Hey, do you notice something different?"

Me: "What? Did you get your hair cut?"

Pegs: "Nope" (bats her eyes)

Me: "New makeup?"

Pegs: "No" (closes her eyes)

Me: "Holy crap! What happened to your eyelashes?!?"

Pegs: "I was curling my eyelashes and went to get something from my room and tripped over the hairdryer cord and ripped out half my lashes..."

OUCH!

Its 18 years later and every time I curl my lashes, I remember this story :)

Sweaters from Pegs

When Derek and I first moved to Paris (Fall 2008), Pegs was just finishing cleaning out her closet to get rid of things she hadn't worn in a while, and she very kindly gave me a whole stack of warm sweaters. I became increasingly grateful for them as winter set in, as my California wardrobe was not quite up to a Paris winter.

Last week I got to visit my friend Ginna in North Carolina. When I arrived at her apartment, I realized that we were both wearing hand-me-down sweaters from Pegs! Poor cell phone camera quality notwithstanding, I just had to take a picture. Ginna's is a grey hoodie that Pegs had given me, and that I then gave to Ginna when she visited us in Paris. Mine is a dark red henley. I wear it all the time, and always send a little mental 'thank you' to Pegs when I do.

I Remember When...: From Janet and Steve

Wedding Reception; July 7, 2005
(Janet and Steve at center)

Our first introduction to Pegs was at Stephen and Jennifer's wedding in New Orleans, where she navigated an inundation of family (and of Lee's wit) with total aplomb. Our second meeting was at her own wedding in Paris, where she navigated another inundation of family with even more astounding aplomb. Her quiet equanimity centered the storm, and the image of her at the altar with Lee (smiling him through the rituals of the Greek Orthodox ceremony) is unforgettable.

Las Vegas; July 2010

But beyond those memories are those of a mother completely devoted to her daughter, not as a copy of herself but as a female whose independent spirit should be coached but not coddled. Dressing Sofia in the most preciously feminine clothes, Pegs nonetheless encouraged her strength of spirit and the importance of order. How well I remember the picture-posing in Las Vegas for Nanya's ninetieth birthday when Derek set up the camera for the "line-up." Next to Pegs, who was holding Sofia, I commented on how completely adorable she was to which Pegs replied, "Yes, but it just makes the disciplining that much more difficult." At that moment, of course, Sofia tilted back her head to hug her mother, who melted immediately.

Costa Rice; March 2011

Then there was Costa Rica for Vanessa and Paul's wedding when Sofia's first comment to me was "I'm just a kid." Eventually realizing that the prompt was my longer ponytail, I related the story to Pegs, who marveled as well at Sofia's lovely curls as she brought in the perfect shell for her to bear the rings. The look on Pegs' and Lee's faces as Sofia floated down that grassy aisle is forever imprinted in our memory.

Already, Sofia's gaze reflects the directness of her mother's, a legacy through which Pegs lives on and through which her daughter will triumph. Lee's pride in them both warms our hearts.

All love always,

Janet and Steve

I Remember When...: Pegs Went Zip Lining

Costa Rica, March 30, 2011

After she got her first cancer diagnosis, Pegs decided to make a lot of lifestyle changes: cutting out sugars and processed foods, limiting her use of and contact with chemical products, reducing stress, etc. She even considered getting a tattoo, which was something she had never been interested in before; she later liked to joke that she had all the tattoos she needed after she got her radiation treatment markers (little permanent dots they put on to indicate where the radiation needs to be delivered each session). After her first recurrence, she was more determined than ever to implement positive lifestyle changes, and that included being open to new experiences. Little did she know that she would get an opportunity while we were in Costa Rica for Vanessa's wedding to have a new life experience that many consider thrilling, dangerous and/or nauseating. No, I'm not talking eating about the local cuisine; I'm talking about zip lining.

I Remember When... Panagiota Was Preggers

Loutsa, Sept. 3, 2007

As a number of you already know, Pegs had a pretty difficult pregnancy. She liked to joke that she didn't suffer from any of the typical problems associated with pregnancy (hemorrhoids, constipation, cravings), but she got all of the rare and esoteric ones. For example, whenever she ate anything with sugar (including natural sugars like fructose) she would swell up like a balloon. Her ob/gyn later theorized from her collective symptoms that she might be allergic to progesterone, which is one of the hormones that the body produces in large quantities during pregnancy to promote gestation. As you can imagine, being allergic to the very hormones your body is producing can make daily life a little challenging, but Pegs so looked forward to being a mother that she more than happily accepted these inconveniences as a small price to pay for the ultimate reward.

(Click on the link below to read more)

I Remember When...: I first met Panagiota

Paris, July 6, 2005

I wasn't supposed to meet Panagiota when I did. It was in the summer of 2003, and I was supposed to be on my way to France visiting family. But my initial flight was delayed and I missed my connection and had to spend the night in New York. Even then, I was supposed to spend the evening with Lee at his apartment. But Lee had to work late, so it was Pegs who went to Brooklyn to greet me.

Meeting your boyfriend's or girlfriend's family for the first time is pretty much always a nerve-wracking experience. But to meet them for the first time when you're not expecting to? That's scary (and I say this from personal experience: I met my wife's parents at one of her dance performances, and she had forgotten to mention that they'd be there). I can only imagine how nervous Panagiota - a fairly shy person to begin with - must have been when Lee called her at the last minute to ask if she would help me out. Making the situation all the more stressful, I got the one taxi driver in all of New York who had absolutely no idea where anything was. I ended up being well over an hour late, and I didn't have a cell phone to call Lee or Pegs. So poor Pegs was stuck waiting with no clue of what had become of me, probably wondering how she would explain to Lee that his brother was missing somewhere in New York City.

But despite the anxiety of an unexpected family visit and the likely stress and frustration of having to rush to Lee's apartment only to sit there alone for more more than an hour, Pegs was incredibly sweet when I finally arrived (of course, the half-empty bottle of wine I spotted next to her seat on the couch may have helped a bit). She offered me a glass and we spent the rest of the evening on the couch chatting and watching an episode of Sex and the City that she'd started earlier.

To be honest, I'm not sure what exactly we talked about - the only specific moment I can recall is Pegs trying to maintain a normal conversation while being deeply embarrassed by a scene with Kim Cattrall that ... well, let's just say it explicitly illustrated the show's title. What I do remember, though, is really liking Panagiota right from the start and appreciating how generous she was. It may have been a slightly awkward introduction, but from my perspective, at least, it was a great night.

I Remember When...: I First Met Pegs

Aix en Provence, May 2006

Translated from the original French, available after the jump:

The first time I met Pegs was in New York in May 2004. Participating in the Erasmus program in Canada for six months, I went to spend ten days in New York with a friend, where Lee and Pegs greeted us like princesses!

I also remember a weekend in Aix en Provence, where Lee and Pegs came to visit me. We spent two super sunny days there, walking the streets of the Old City.

Thank you both for hosting me so many times in Paris when I had interviews, exams, the REM concert, and when Anael and I were passing for the weekend. I have so many memories of Pegs: all of those times we were in the kitchen talking. Pegs, your smile, your kindness, your openness, your welcoming nature and your ready ear made ​​all those moments unforgettable, thank you!

We had the pleasure of seeing you in Costa Rica for Vanessa's wedding, optimistic and happy, enjoying the family vacation; it was too short, but these moments spent together remain in our memories.

Hard to imagine that we will not see you again, but your courage and that of Lee and Sofia are an example to us all. We are very close to you and embrace you with all our hearts.

Sido and Anaël

Aix en Provence, May 2006

Aix en Provence, May 2006

Provence, May 2006

I Remember When...: Greek Night Out

Posted on behalf of Pauline Serfes:

This picture was taken at St. Thomas Greek Orthodox Church in October of 2010.  Panagiota enjoyed her first festival at the church in New Jersey.   We had fun that night.  The girls told me they were having a girls night out!  I was with my husband and my sons and I spent some time with the girls and their table.    I love this picture.  I treasure it.  It is one of the few I have of Panagiota.

Moorestown, October 2010

Carrot Cake Recipe / Email from Susan Smith

An email to Lee from Susan Smith:

Thank you for your invitation to contribute something to the website. I have no stories, videos or pictures, but I do remember that when Panagiota decided to leave BNPP, her culinary abilities became notable. Among many others, I have wonderful memories of her delicious carrot and courgette cakes. All her recipes should be put on the website.

My wish for Sofia is that she will be as beautiful and lovely as Panagiota was and that she will inherit all of her qualities, and particularly the ability to follow a recipe. Since you know how incapable I am at things technical, may I please ask you to insert something onto the website on my behalf?

Thank you.
All good wishes, Susie

Wedding reception; Susan at right

As always, Susie, your wish is my command! I've included the recipe for Panagiota's carrot cake, which always seemed to be a particular hit while we were in Paris, after the jump. She had a bit of trouble with the frosting, which invariably turned out runnier than she would have liked, but it was undeniably delicious. My favorite memory of this recipe is the first time Panagiota and I decided to make a carrot cake for the people in my office (many of whom gave me the hairy eyeball when I said that such a cake even existed), and as often happened, she wasn't satisfied with how the first cake turned out ... aesthetically. So she made another one. I think that I gained five pounds that week. I hope that you all enjoy the recipe after the jump!

I Remember When...: Pegs Went to Ingrid Brulant's Birthday

Translated from the original French, available after the jump:

 Dear Lee, united in spirit with Pegs.

I remember the surprise and happiness that I had when you arrived for my 30th birthday in August 2006! You had both come all the way from Paris just for the evening in the north [of France] ... I discovered that night that Pegs and I were born only 5 days apart!  I too celebrated my 35th birthday a few weeks ago ...

I particularly remember talking for a long time on the phone with Panagiota a month after the birth of Sofia. A little more experienced than Peg, already having my two daughters at the time, I felt so close to her joy but also to the fatigue of any new mom. It is a beautiful memory for me. She was simple, direct and frank, funny, and full of self-restraint.

We also had a great weekend in Paris in your apartment on rue de l'Odeon ... I regret not seeing you both more often; time passes so quickly.

I also remember your wedding on the Seine, Paris in all its beauty and a wonderful evening with your friends and family.

And lastly I remember your courage Lee, for facing the unbearable, so modestly.

My little ones, Jane and Eva, are preparing some beautiful drawings for Sofia, ... soon in your mail box!

This website really pays Panagiota a nice tribute. Thank you for sharing it. The photos are beautiful. Our heart goes out to you, and I think of Pegs.

Ingrid

Ingrid & Brulant Benedict, Jeanne, Eva, Edgar. From Lille, France.

I Remember When: I Met Pegs in NYC

An email to Lee from Hillary Norris:

Hello my sweet friend,

I participated in my first Race for the Cure last year and it was the most inspiring thing I have been a part of in my entire life!  I signed up again and walked this year on Oct 15 in Birmingham.  Seeing everyone banded together in pink ... walking or running, in costumes or crazy hats, pushing strollers or wheelchairs ... all of it was just breath taking.  I walked in memory of Pegs this year and during the 3.1 miles I spent that time thinking of the people that I know that have or had breast cancer and Pegs in particular.  Due to the wonders of the internet I feel like I knew her much better than I did.   I remember meeting her in NYC at dinner with you in Feb 2003 and I think that might have been the only time I saw her in person instead of in pictures on a computer screen.  However you my friend I have known since I came home from the hospital over 35 years ago.  I am so happy to have been invited to share in the wonderful website you have set up so I can get to know more about this amazing woman!  And I look forward to the day I get to meet little Miss Sofia in person.

love to you and Sofia,

Hillary

I Remember When: We Made Dinner

Not just any dinner. A full home-made thai dinner. I won a thai cooking lesson from the Message annual general meeting. I told Panagiota about it and she bought herself the same lesson so we could do it together and make dinner for our husbands. The idea was that the woman, Kochapan, would take us shopping, buy all the rather exotic ingredients, make dinner in her gourmet kitchen and then pack it all up to take home.

Everything was going so well. Until the roses. We were simmering and chopping and throwing in dashes of this and that, the smell was taking over my brain it was so good. Then we started with the vegetable carving. Part of the lesson was to learn how to make apple doves and lotus napkins and.... tomato roses. In order to make a tomato rose, you must peel an entire tomato without breaking it, and the peel should be approximately even the whole way. Panagiota peeled her tomato, swirled it in to a rose and started on her napkin. By my fourth tomato, I was starting to get a little frustrated.

Panagiota: Mmmm. What are you doing, exactly?

Me: I'm making a tomato rose!

Panagiota: I ....beg to differ.

Me: She's coming back soon and she's going to see them! They're mangled!

Panagiota: Give it to me.

Panagiota takes my tomato that looked like it had been peeled with a hatchet, finishes it up, swirls it in to a rose and puts it in front of me. Kochapan walks back in, looks at our roses and gives a little nod of satisfaction to Panagiota's and a nod of...acceptance to mine. You'd think I'd gotten away with murder I was so relieved. See if you can guess which tomato is which from the photo.

I had trouble with the napkins too.

My Memories of Pegs

Pegs and I went to high school together in the small town of Mullins, SC and being one of the few ethnic kids in our class we pretty much had an instant connection.  I mean with her I never got asked "Why?" when my parents wouldn't let me stay out later than 8pm on a Saturday night or why we called everyone who was Indian an uncle or aunt even though we were not remotely related to them--she just got it. We understood each others families without a lot of explanation.  It also didn't hurt that my older sister, Bina, and her sister Niki were pretty much twinkies... bossy, loud and at that point in our lives hard to live with (who knew that a few years down the road each of them would become our best friends?)!  I remember going to her restaurant after I had decided to switch from private to public school.  My Mom who was a teacher at the high school knew Niki and Amalia and loved them and wanted to introduce me to Pegs since she would be in my same grade. I was super shy at the time and  was mortified but Pegs who was also somewhat shy said hello and smiled and we made small talk.  We were good friends during the first 2 years of high school but eventually we ended up having the exact same schedule the last 2 years and pretty much became inseparable.  Peggy, as I grew up calling her, was smart, generous, pretty, and continuously challenged me to do my best. We also shared the same sense of humor (meaning I was self-deprecating and she also liked to make fun of me :) ).  We were best friends. When I went off to college a couple of hours away from home and she went locally we still continued to keep in touch.  Much of our correspondence was through phone calls and snail mail at the time.  I had thought I had lost my box of old letters when we moved from Ohio to Texas 4 years ago but the day after Pegs passed away, my husband pulls out a box from a closet when he was looking for something and and says "you'll never guess what I found." It was as if Pegs was sending me a sign or something. I was meant to find those letters at that exact moment in time.  I spent the next few hours digging out all of her letters and sobbing.  So many emotions were going through my head... sadness from losing my dear friend way too soon, sadness that she was not in the frame of mind to see my friend Steve and me when we made a surprise visit to NJ in July--I sooo wanted to hug her one last time (not that I blame her for one minute--she had been through a whole lot in the previous weeks--it was bad idea on our part with the best of intentions), regret for losing touch with her for 8 years in between when I let "life" get in the way of reaching out to her, thankfulness for reconnecting the last few years, and  despair knowing I would never hear her voice again or be able to tell her I love her and how much she meant to me. She truly helped shape me into the person I am today. Her motivation and support made me a more confident person than I was before I met her.  Her compassion and generosity made me want to be more like her and to this day I remember all the little things she would do to show she cared like send a care package or card to my dorm when I was having a particularly stressful week.  It's amazing to me how much you can miss someone you haven't seen in 10 years but I miss her everyday.  Every time I see something pertaining to Canada I think of her, every time my Greek customer picks up prescriptions at the pharmacy I think of her, every time I hear the Scorpions Wind of Change on the radio (more than you would expect) I think of her, the new air delight hersey's kiss commercials remind me of aero bars which she used to love so I think of her!  Around the time of our trip to Jersey in July I was listening to the song "Someone like you" by Adele and although I know the song has a different meaning altogether, there is a verse in it that I can no longer listen to without thinking of Pegs:

"Old friend, why are you so shy?

Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light.

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited

But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.

I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded

That for me it isn't over."

Even now, Pegs, it isn't over for me... I am better for having known you... I love you and I miss you everyday my beautiful, sweet friend.

xoxo-Rachna

E-mail from Jennifer Hart (Wine and Whiner)

Hi there,

Brooke shared the link for the blog and after spending an emotional hour or so reading, remembering, laughing and copying recipes, I went back to my email and started re-reading numerous conversations Pegs and I shared. There are so many to go through, lots of them one-liners, making plans or middle of the night venting with our frustrations over being new mums!

I wanted to post something that encaptured her sweet, shy nature (even though she was hands-down one of the wittiest and funniest people I have ever met!).

This was from her on the 14th of October 2009. She wrote to me saying she felt pathetic because she wanted to retreat from people for a bit. I got mad and told her she wasn't allowed to EVER call herself pathetic again. Then she wrote this about Lee. It was always obvious to the Wine and Whiners how much she adored her husband. 

"I'm just taking a hard look at my life and trying to see how to change the things that bother me.  I'm a very shy person, I don't make friends very easily and Lee is my best friend.  He was my best friend for a long time before we started dating and I need my best friend now more than ever."

I'm so sorry Panagiota lost her battle with cancer. I'm angry, too. Not angry at her or anything silly like that, I am angry that this crap continues to happen.  I have been a warrior for breast cancer research long before Pegs was ever diagnosed, heck even before I met her, and I promise I won't stop.

On the 2nd of October, I ran a 10K race for Breast Cancer here in Paris.  I handed out pink bandanas for a donation to breast cancer research and also had people carry Pegs' name on their back. We all share the burden of finding a cure and I wanted to demonstrate that. That day, 22 of us honoured Pegs and ran in her name. I also raised over €500. The run was emotional as the news of Pegs' passing was so fresh and painful.  We had a glorious day for the run (I ran 10K, Jonathan ran 5K and the kids cheered us on).  Somewhere in the deep woods of the Bois de Vincennes, I said my goodbyes to Panagiota. 

She had a major impact on my life here in Paris and helped me through such a dark period after my son was born.  Her lasting imprint is that of an extremely loving, caring, funny, private and intelligent person. Paris was tainted for her (her words to me one day) but her leaving Paris did not taint any of our love for her.  She was the first person outside of hospital staff to meet my son James almost 4 years ago. I was lucky she was in my life, however short the time was.

Pegs once thanked me for fighting when she was in the midst of treatment. It made me awkward because I don't do it for thanks so she and I made a deal. The deal was that she keep kicking cancer's ass and I would keep trying to run it off the planet. Until I'm no longer able to live up to my end, I will keep running. A deal is a deal.

Sorry for rambling. I have SO much I want to say, so many things I want to share with Sofia (Karen Spove and I have been talking a lot about this) and I am afraid that I should have thought and edited before sending this but that's not really how I work so here's this jumbled mess of thoughts.  There will be more to come, I just was so emotional and inspired I HAD to send something right away.

Love and hugs to Sofia and Lee.  My daughter Milla is actually wearing one of Sofia's old outfits today...

xo

Jennifer