E-mail from Jennifer Hart (Wine and Whiner)

Hi there,

Brooke shared the link for the blog and after spending an emotional hour or so reading, remembering, laughing and copying recipes, I went back to my email and started re-reading numerous conversations Pegs and I shared. There are so many to go through, lots of them one-liners, making plans or middle of the night venting with our frustrations over being new mums!

I wanted to post something that encaptured her sweet, shy nature (even though she was hands-down one of the wittiest and funniest people I have ever met!).

This was from her on the 14th of October 2009. She wrote to me saying she felt pathetic because she wanted to retreat from people for a bit. I got mad and told her she wasn't allowed to EVER call herself pathetic again. Then she wrote this about Lee. It was always obvious to the Wine and Whiners how much she adored her husband. 

"I'm just taking a hard look at my life and trying to see how to change the things that bother me.  I'm a very shy person, I don't make friends very easily and Lee is my best friend.  He was my best friend for a long time before we started dating and I need my best friend now more than ever."

I'm so sorry Panagiota lost her battle with cancer. I'm angry, too. Not angry at her or anything silly like that, I am angry that this crap continues to happen.  I have been a warrior for breast cancer research long before Pegs was ever diagnosed, heck even before I met her, and I promise I won't stop.

On the 2nd of October, I ran a 10K race for Breast Cancer here in Paris.  I handed out pink bandanas for a donation to breast cancer research and also had people carry Pegs' name on their back. We all share the burden of finding a cure and I wanted to demonstrate that. That day, 22 of us honoured Pegs and ran in her name. I also raised over €500. The run was emotional as the news of Pegs' passing was so fresh and painful.  We had a glorious day for the run (I ran 10K, Jonathan ran 5K and the kids cheered us on).  Somewhere in the deep woods of the Bois de Vincennes, I said my goodbyes to Panagiota. 

She had a major impact on my life here in Paris and helped me through such a dark period after my son was born.  Her lasting imprint is that of an extremely loving, caring, funny, private and intelligent person. Paris was tainted for her (her words to me one day) but her leaving Paris did not taint any of our love for her.  She was the first person outside of hospital staff to meet my son James almost 4 years ago. I was lucky she was in my life, however short the time was.

Pegs once thanked me for fighting when she was in the midst of treatment. It made me awkward because I don't do it for thanks so she and I made a deal. The deal was that she keep kicking cancer's ass and I would keep trying to run it off the planet. Until I'm no longer able to live up to my end, I will keep running. A deal is a deal.

Sorry for rambling. I have SO much I want to say, so many things I want to share with Sofia (Karen Spove and I have been talking a lot about this) and I am afraid that I should have thought and edited before sending this but that's not really how I work so here's this jumbled mess of thoughts.  There will be more to come, I just was so emotional and inspired I HAD to send something right away.

Love and hugs to Sofia and Lee.  My daughter Milla is actually wearing one of Sofia's old outfits today...

xo

Jennifer